I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
