What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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