I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
