I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
