she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
