well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
