Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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