im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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