Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
