he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
