we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
