am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
