i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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