So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
