He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
