i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
