If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
