I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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