Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
