After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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