we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
