I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
