I wish I only lived at night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
