I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
