my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
