You're completely useless in the revolution.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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