The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
