i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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