just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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