It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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