So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So much Jack, so little girl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
