Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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