He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize