Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
