you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
