I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
