I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize