I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
