i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
