matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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