Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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