thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
