no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
