All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
