If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
