need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
