walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
