My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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