my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
