What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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