Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
