and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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