I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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