And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
