cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
