I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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