i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
