One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
