he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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