I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
