New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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