Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
