Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
