So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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