A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
