Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
