Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize