Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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