Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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