If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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