They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
