He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We have started to decorate penises.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
