the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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